I don't even know, you guys.

[caiusbackup]

Blame swordage (and spacehussy) for this. Last night, there was the following twitter exchange:

swordage: story summary seems interesting > story skips the part where the Dcon falls for humanity > Megatron is the OC's mom > [SCREMING]
caiusmajor: @swordage ...was it at least about the OC's terrible horrible mommy issues?
swordage: @caiusmajor No. That would have been awesome. "Mommy I'm scared to sleep, there are monsters." "Show me. I will devour them." "weh ;w;"
spacehussy @swordage @caiusmajor okay, that would be the best original short story ever. Not even kidding. "SHOW ME. I WILL DEVOUR THEM."
caiusmajor: @spacehussy @swordage Oh maaaan it would be an awesome children's picture book.

And my brain produced this. Since I'm not an artist, the lavish full-page illustrations for every line are left to the reader's imagination.

My Mommy
a picture book
by Caius

My Mommy's name is Megatron.

She's the most powerful mommy in the galaxy.

She goes out every day to conquer the universe...

...but she always comes back with dinner and a bedtime story.

My Mommy loves me very much.


My Daddy lives on Cybertron. He has a very important job to do.

Mommy tells me that if anyone claims to be my Daddy, I shouldn't let him in.

Not even if he says he'll give me candy, or let me a ride in his cockpit...

...or cab.

And no matter how cool he is, I do not have an Uncle Jazz, either.


I do have an Uncle Soundwave.

He's not really my uncle either but he comes and plays me stories when Mommy can't.

And he brings his cassettes, who are grown-up robots just like Mommy,

But they like to play. And if they play too rough,

Mommy makes it all better.


I have a very big bed.

Big enough for Mommy to sit on when she tells me stories

about defeating the Autobots and conquering the universe.

Sometimes there are monsters under it.

"Mommy, I'm scared to sleep. There are monsters!"

"Show me. I will destroy them."

Mommy has a big monster-destroying cannon, and she destroys them all.

Even the ones that pretend to be my friends.


The little yellow one keeps coming back.

But Mommy always comes back too--

eventually.

My Mommy is the most powerful Mommy in the galaxy,

and she loves me very much.

Comments

[dellessa.livejournal.com]

@_@
"And no matter how cool he is, I do not have an Uncle Jazz, either." <--This...made me giggle so much.

[draginfli.livejournal.com]

How much would you mind if I made pictures for this?

[ultharkitty.livejournal.com]

"Mommy, I'm scared to sleep. There are monsters!"

"Show me. I will destroy them."

Glorious! Kinds books should be more like this :D

That was hilarious, thanks for the laugh!

[fly-buggy-fly.livejournal.com]

Honey approves of this...And would ask Terrorsaur to read it to him over and over and over and over again XD

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful! :D

[eerian_sadow]

best children's story ever. it needs illustrations and an independent publisher. ~_^

[jill-dragon.livejournal.com]

THIS. So much win!

[fierceawakening.livejournal.com]

If Megatron is the OC's mom, who the slag knocked him up? Ow, my brain.

[ink-in-hand.livejournal.com]

Well, if I run out of ideas this month I know where to come. The story is supplying all sorts of crayon doodles that go with the lines, complete with EvilMonster!Bumblebee sporting sparkling eating gnasher teeth under the OC's bed.

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

OH YES! Megatron would be the BEST MOM!

[spacehussy.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T UNSEE THIS /DYING ♥♥♥♥

[darknessdivine.livejournal.com]

At least with Megamommy you don't have to worry about future suitors.

[artemis10002000]

*squee* That's brilliant! I giggled like crazy throughout this fic.

[birdiebot.livejournal.com]

This was hilarious! If I could draw, I would make art for this!