Yuletide fic: "Six Letters, the Third One is an A", Babs/Dinah, R

[caiusbackup]

Title: Six Letters, the Third One is an A
Author: Caia
Recipient: miss_gordon for Yuletide.
Summery: Dinah is on vacation. She and Barbara do crossword puzzles, and such. Loose continuity, but about BoP 25 timewise.
Disclaimer: Babs and Dinah belong to DC. Rated R for sexual content.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to petronelle for excellent beta services, and ficbyzee and littledarkvoice for audiencing and hand-holding.
Author's notes: Yuletide being a rare-fandom challenge and all, I of course wrote something more common and generally accessible than I've written, like, ever. The sheer irony of my being assigned Babs is one that should go down for the ages. Despite all that, I'm pretty pleased with what I wrote--except for the part where this is in the Yuletide archive with a really embarrassing typo in the title and also in the story itself; I'm going to see about getting it corrected there, but meanwhile I've corrected it here.

"Quick, what's the capital of Bogatago?" Dinah's line opened up abruptly.

Barbara looked up with alarm. "You're supposed to be on vacation!" she replied. Dinah's monitor showed sun and sand, but a lot of dangerous places had those, too.

"I'm doing a crossword puzzle," said Dinah. "Don't worry, I haven't managed to cross the world and get involved in some international intrigue without your say-so. Seven letters."

"Doesn't this kind of defeat the purpose of crossword puzzles?" Barbara opened up a new window.

"It's not like I'm doing this competitively," Dinah said. "And hey, I wanted some company in this vacation."

Barbara sighed. "Salinas. Technically, La Ciudad de Salinas."

"Thanks," Dinah scribbled and added. "'Air music composer', five letters?"

"Rozem. And for the record, 5 down is 'SDI'".

"Know-it-all."

"Simple enough internet search if you know how," Barbara said, in between filling in the complete puzzle on the screen.

"And completely useless if you're the one with the newsprint puzzle in front of you!"

"I could generate a full solution for you too, if you like."

"And you were talking about defeating the purpose...." said Dinah.

"Just trying to help."

"Your company is all I need." The view switched as Dinah stretched. "Well, that and the sun and sand and guys in Speedos and my choice of U.S. papers delivered here daily...."

"Glad you're enjoying yourself."

"Yup. I'd send you some of the sunshine up the computer if I knew how--just a sec." Dinah turned to the waiter. "Yes, I'd definitely like a refill, thank you--and some of these drinks. Complete with umbrellas."

"Can't do that yet, I'm afraid." Barbara smiled at the screen.

"Why not? You can do crossword puzzles."

"That's different. You see, crosswords are just data, and...."

"No, no, don't tell me." Dinah said. "Just let me know who to hit--although not just now. Unless if you happen to have any info on the hot guys here...."

"I can pull a guest list. Give me visuals and I can match the guys you're seeing."

"How about the brunet over there?" Dinah pointed. "The tall handsome one?"

"Lawrence J. Neumann, middle-management at Soder-Cola. Married and divorced once, two kids, regular in his child support payments. Likes golf."

"Okay." Dinah's viewer rotated. "The built blond over there?"

"Carl N. Foster, high-level accountant at Barron's. Engaged, no children, attends the gym regularly, collects stamps."

"...you sent me to the resort of really boring people on purpose, didn't you?" Dinah said.

"It was supposed to be a restful vacation, Dinah. And at least they're hot< accountants and managers.

"Cute, but so very much not my type...."

"Come on, you can't be interested exclusively in dangerous, irresponsible men," Barbara said.

"Check the data, data-girl."

"One can always try to defy past experience."

"Wait, you want to set me up with a...golf-playing, stamp-collecting accountant?"

Barbara laughed. "If I wanted that, I could probably have given you some better advertising. Still, worth a look, no?"

"I'll look but not touch." Dinah and her viewers panned over the beach.

"Good girl." Barbara passed a few minutes in reviewing the guest list and viewscreen; all appropriately dull and mostly innocent.

Dinah looked back down at her crossword. "Okay, no looking at the internet this time. Who was Don Juan's mother? Four letters, starting with I?"

Not looking at the page with the finished crossword, or opening any other windows, Barbara said, "Probably they mean Doña Inez."

"You totally cheated."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"No, really," said Barbara. "I knew that."

"Next time, we do this in person so I can keep an eye on you."

"What, and miss out on the warm breezes, umbrella drinks, and hot accountants?"

"What, you can't go along?" Dinah demanded. "I can find an accountant for you, too."

"Spare me."

"Okay, you can not have an accountant. We can both find dangerous, irresponsible men."

Barbara laughed. "No thanks."

"Or women, or whatever. Or just crossword puzzles."

"I've got duties here."

"Come on, they've got laptops these days!" Dinah threw out her arms in exasperation. "You can bring all your work with you."

"And your tech knowledge is all the way into the last decade! I'm impressed. But no, laptops aren't enough for what I do."

"Then take a goddamn vacation. If I can do it, you can."

"I'll think on it," Barbara lied. "Meanwhile, I'll work on the satellite uplink for umbrella drinks."

"You do that and I'll drink 'em. Or if you're really nice, I'll have one boxed up and sent through customs."

"Clearly I've yet to introduce you to the wonders of internet ordering."

"Ah, but this would have that personal touch!" Dinah said. "Inexpertly packed, sealed with a kiss."

"You're such a Luddite."

"And you love it."

-----

"There," said Dinah triumphantly. "All done, and I didn't even have to look it up online."

"No, no, you just asked me to."

"What are friends for?"

"So are you off for more fun in the sun?" asked Barbara, looking out at the digital sunset. "Forecast is for a warm and clear evening, you should go enjoy it."

Dinah laughed. "Nope, time to turn in and get some nice expense-account room service. I must say, you've got a way with the credit."

"Stick with me, babe, and you'll never have to work in a flower shop again."

"Oooh, now you're starting to sound like my kind of man."

"I thought your kind of man lived off your salary," said Barbara.

"Cheap shot. Maybe I should consider a nice, boring accountant."

"But would he take you such nice places?"

Dinah looked around. "Judging from all the boring accountants here, sure."

"Ah, but how can you beat the excitement of chasing supervillains and arms traffickers through corrupt and dangerous third-world nations?"

"Lemme get back to you on that," said Dinah. "After dinner."

------

"Made a decision yet?" asked Barbara, a couple of hours later.

Startled splashing echoed over the audio-only line. "Oracle! ...I did remember to turn your monitor thing off, right?"

Barbara snickered. "Yes. Don't worry. I assure you, I had no idea that you were naked until just now." It made a nice mental picture now, though. "So have you?"

"My current decision is that bubble baths are very very nice." Dinah splashed rather more contently. "I was feeling much happier than usual about your skills as a travel agent."

"At least you appreciate the perks."

"Long distance conversations while in the bath are, I must say, slightly less enticing. If I'm gonna be having a conversation in the bath, I want my conversation partner hot, nude, and present. Also, not talking very much, although historically that's always been a little difficult."

"I'm sure I could find you someone," Barbara offered. "Want me to search the hotel databases for you?"

"You should just quit crime-fighting and start up the Oracle Dating Service.'Finding the right accountant since 2001!' Though maybe you should do that anyway. As a sideline, just in case the stolen supervillain money ever dries up."

"I'll take it under advisement."

"You go do that." Dinah shifted position, lying back more comfortably. "Maybe take a real, in-person bath while you're at it."

"Hey, I bathe!"

"I don't doubt it. It was how we met, after all. Much less comfortable than this, though."

"I do wish that had been under better circumstances." Barbara said, rather more seriously.

"In this business, it's never better circumstances. We're just lucky we didn't have to have an introductory fistfight with each other."

"I'm better with my fists than you'd think."

"Please don't say you can take me," Dinah protested. "I need something to contribute to this partnership, even if it's being the dumb fake blonde who hits things."

"You are very good at being a fake dumb blonde who hits things."

"Why thank you."

"And I must say," said Dinah, "You're better looking than I thought you would be."

"Thanks. I think."

"Well, you know." Dinah's gesture was audible, if not visible. "You get used to not everyone who hides behind a mask being butt-ugly, but I'm not even used to folks who hide behind computer screens all the time."

"I'll have you know that several of us are quite well-bathed and attractive!"

Dinah laughed. "I can vouch for at least one. Although you hadn't exactly bathed on purpose."

"Oh shut up. Someday, I promise, you can come over during normal times and verify."

"Oh, kinky."

"....I didn't actually mean it like that."

"Right, right," said Dinah. "You only like to watc, never to be watched."

"You are very nice to look at," Barbara said, quite seriously.

"I'm told I'm even nicer in person."

"I dunno," said Barbara, fiddling with a few computers. "I don't think the person who said that had nearly as good equipment."

"Pervert."

"I think you mean, 'geek.'"

"So I'm not up on these things."

"It was nice." Barbara said. "Seeing you in person."

"I got you to admit it!" Dinah pulled her arms out of the water in triumph. "You watch, I'll haul you back into the twentieth century yet."

"You get on that." said Barbara. "I've working on some upgrades for my video transmission software. 32 bit color, 1024 by 768 pixels, bitrate in the...."

"I get the idea. Maybe you should go into the porn industry, rather than the dating industry!"

"I do keep an eye on it. Check for child trafficking and the like."

"....good to know." Dinah said. "Not a great bubble-bath image, though."

"No. Not really."

----

"Still there, oh trusty computer companion?" said Dinah, later yet.

"Always." Barbara said, pulling up the appropriate connection. "Another crossword puzzle?"

"No, just checking in. You should really get out more."

"I could say the same for you. I send you to one of the best vacation resorts in the world and you stay back in your hotel room talking into your necklace?"

"Hey, maybe you're just better company than you give yourself credit for," Dinah said. "Or better company than this place's clientele."

"Well, I did choose the location as less likely to lead to superheroics."

"You chose well. Very very dull."

"Thanks for the review. I'll enter it into my algorithms." While she was thinking about it, Barbara pulled up that program.

"You have a computer program for measuring dullness?"

"It's actually easier than transmitting beverages."

"And you wonder why I'm not into computers!"

"Har har." Barbara tweaked the algorithm a bit. It was quite fascinating, actually.

----

"Hey," Barbara said, looking over. "You turned on the visuals."

"No shit," said Dinah, posing. "So what do you think of this dress?"

"Very cute." Barbara said, trying not to look too hard at the body beneath it. "Did you change your mind about going out?"

"Maybe later." Dinah twirled around casually. "Just thought I'd try on some of the new outfits I got today." She turned around to look into another bag, then started pulling the dress over her head.

"Wait--" Barbara didn't actually look away. "--are you sure you want to leave it on? The visuals, that is. While you take the dress off."

"We're all girls here, and you did say you liked to watch..." Dinah turned around and batted her eyelashes.

"Did I?" Barbara asked, very glad that the visuals were one-way.

"Anyway." Dinah finished changing. "What do you think of this one?"

"You'd freeze in Gotham about now," was about all Barbara could come up with, other than stares.

"I know. It's so wonderful not being in Gotham about now. And since you tend to send me to warm places so often, it's good to have some appropriate clothing."

"Well, it certainly looks good for attracting the attention of menfolk. And womenfolk. And possibly scaring small children."

"You don't like?" Dinah pouted, slightly off-center to Barbara's point of view.

Barbara liked, but it wasn't the few parts of Dinah covered by the dress that she liked. "Nudity might have been an improvement, modesty-wise."

"It's not the sort of dress you wear to be modest."

"Not the sort of dress I wear, period."

"Oh, come on!" Dinah perched in front of Barbara's viewer. "You could be wearing anything you like behind your computer thingies."

"So there's no point in my spending $251.86, current exchange rate, to be naked. I can be so much more comfortably almost-naked in $5 underwear and a $5 t-shirt."

"Okay, okay, hang on then." This time, Dinah threw a pair of panties over the recorder.

"You know, you could just turn that off and spare me the close-up of your underwear."

"But it's more fun like this."

"For you, maybe." Barbara waited.

"There we go." Dinah pulled the panties off the viewer. "Like this better?"

"Much more practical, I must admit." Even with slightly less skin exposed, Dinah was still gorgeous. Barbara looked at the credit card bill instead. "If not all that much cheaper. They charged you $32.14 for that shirt?!"

"That's what it translated to?" Dinah raised her eyebrows. "Well, where else can you get a genuine local made-in-China Sunshine Resort t-shirt?"

Barbara checked. "They sell ones almost as good on the other side of the boardwalk for just $16.21."

"Well, send the bill to Blockbuster or whoever. It's not a real vacation without overpriced t-shirts."

"Will do."

"So what do you do when you go out of town?" Dinah asked.

"Other than fight crime? I...buy books."

"Wow. Real old-fashioned books? On paper?" Dinah said, in exaggerated incredulity.

"Yes, old-fashioned books. I do sometimes get away from a computer screen. When I have the time."

"Perhaps there is hope for you after all. Anything you want me to pick up for you?"

"Well....I'm afraid the resort I sent you isn't the best for book-hunting." Barbara had checked this extensively, of course. "Although there is the one place...want to take down an address? They'll be open from 10-6 tomorrow. It might be a bit of a walk."

"S'okay, I can call a cab."

"Or that."

"I'd just as soon reserve your looking over my shoulder with computer-generated directions for actual emergencies. This way I can just hand the address to someone who knows what they're doing--and hopefully is over the age of 16 this time."

"Don't worry, they're pretty strict about cab licenses around here. I can put a call in to one of the more reputable firms myself, if you want," said Barbara, already pulling up the appropriate sites.

"Sure. Might as well get full enjoyment out of Oracle Travel Agency."

"Call it in for noon tomorrow?"

"One. I need my sleep!" Dinah said.

"...but it's only 11:10, your time, and you're already dressed for bed."

"You make some assumptions about what I'm going to do in bed," Dinah looked out from the screen playfully.

"You don't seem to have gotten yourself any of those boring-but-cute resort guys."

"Nope. Boring and hunky's not what I want right now."

"...wait, you didn't manage to find dangerous-and-unreliable, did you? You do have a knack for that." Barbara didn't think so, but it was always good to check.

"Naw, I was thinking I'd go for dangerous-but-reliable. With hidden depths."

"Do you want me to search my databases?" Barbara brought it to the front of the monitor. "You'd still probably have to leave the room, though...."

"I already have someone in mind. Not someone I'll have to leave for, though they're not here. Someone who likes to watch--six letters, third one is an a, use your crossword puzzle computer thingummy if you have problems...."

Barbara paused. "You do realize I'm female. Also, not present."

"I've seen you. You're quite the attractive woman, and you're always here with me. In your own rather creepy way." Dinah looked quite serious. Also, devastatingly attractive.

"Well." Barbara decided to go with it. "In that case, could you rotate the viewer about thirty degrees to the right? And then sit on the corner--no, that corner, to your left, your other left."

"Yes'm. This pose good?" Dinah preened.

"Yes, nice. Now lift up the shirt just--yes, yes, like that."

"What next, o Oracle?"

"Cute....gorgeous, actually. God, you're hot. Take the shirt off."

"Yours too." Dinah said, not moving, but staying just that hot. "It's only fair, even if I can't see it."

"What makes you think I'm wearing a shirt?" Barbara was, but she was also starting to feel naked.

"Modesty?"

"In front of my computers?"

"Hey, the computers I deal with are the voyeuristic type."

"Voyeuristic, not exhibitionistic. Take your shirt off."

"Yes'm," said Dinah.

"Slow is good. Yes, you're even more beautiful like this. Now touch your breasts...cup them for me."

"I do know how to touch myself, Oracle."

"Show me, then." Barbara brought her control down, hard, on herself more than on Dinah. "Just your breasts for now."

"Permission to touch the rest of my chest, ma'am?"

"In a minute." Barbara took a few deep but hopefully quiet breaths.

Dinah, on the other hand, was making noises already. She paused to say, "This does work a little bit better with audience participation. Are you touching yourself now?"

"Maybe. A little."

"It's a start. Maybe I should show you--" Dinah's hands moved downward.

"I didn't tell you you could go there yet!"

"I'm improvising from the field." Dinah grinned; her hands kept moving.

"It's a very nice....field you have there."

"Glad you think so." Dinah arched toward the camera. "Is this a good angle?"

"A little, um, to the left--yeah, just there."

"That good?"

"Very good." Beyond good. Barbara was definitely recording this for later. "Take your underwear off. Now."

"Oh god yes."

"Spread a little further--now move your arm a little to the right. Yes, just like that."

"This had better--ah--not be publicized."

"No. I'm keeping this just for me." And you, Dinah, if possible, Barbara thought.

"Good."

"Touch yourself for me, Dinah."

"Yes, Oracle, yes. Oh--"

"--Damnit." Barbara glared at the other side of the room.

"What?" Dinah stopped for a moment.

"Emergency on the JLA line."

"....argh." Dinah removed her hands.

"No need to stop. I can always rewind if I miss anything."

"I hate you."

"Just doing my job."

"I know, I know, but you totally broke the mood. Lemme know if the emergency needs my help. I'm switching all receivers off; I'll be in my bunk."

The screen went black.