The Hal/Alan Sex Pollen Ficlet
May. 10th, 2004 11:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caiusbackupVacationing on Planets with Lanterns
by Caia
May 10, 2004
Disclaimers: None of these people belong to me, and boy are they relieved to hear that. There are somewhat less relieved to hear that they do, in fact, belong to DC comics.
Summary: Two Flashes and two GLs go camping. Sex pollen ensues.
Spoilers/continuity: Set just after, and contains spoilers for, #3 of the Brave and Bold miniseries (now available as a trade paperback!).
Rating: PG-13/R
Acknowledgement: Thanks very much to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
greenygal for the beta. If these people are in character, it's to her credit. Any errors are entirely mine.
Barry Allen was trying very, very hard not to think about what had just happened. Not to think about what he had done, or how it had felt, and certainly not about who he had done it with. "Clothes," he said, under his breath. "I need clothes," and in less than a second he was dressed and scrubbing anxiously at the tainted red fabric.
He risked a glance at his older counterpart, and was relieved that Jay was dressed as well, almost as if nothing had happened.
Jay was talking, too. "I am never going to let a Green Lantern choose the campsite again."
Barry looked away, but smiled weekly and replied, "...If Hal doesn't beat me to it, I may have to kill Alan myself."
"I doubt even Alan would go this far on purpose."
Barry said uncertainly, "Well, I'm sure Hal wouldn't."
A pause. "...Oh my God. How am I ever going to face Iris?"
"This *is* one of the occupational hazards, I'm afraid. Joan's forgiven me this sort of thing before, bless her," said Jay, standing a careful distance from Barry, "I'm sure Iris will let you off the couch--eventually. But look!"
Barry looked. "Oh, my GOD--! They were exposed, too. And their metabolisms don't run as fast…we've got to rescue them, or they'll never speak to us again!" Barry's face was now rather redder than his suit.
"Or each other." Frozen for a few seconds, the two Flashes stared at the two Lanterns. Hal's costume had disappeared, Alan's was in shreds--shreds which someone, doubtless Alan himself, had managed to neatly fold in a pile next to them, but clearly shreds nonetheless--and the two of them were rolling around on the ground, kissing and biting and jockeying for position.
Barry's face was as red as his costume, but he couldn't quite look away from his friend's plight--nor could he avoid looking at Hal and Alan's substantial erections, rubbing together as the two of them battled. "We should really do something."
"Right. You grab Hal, I'll grab Alan, and we'll try to hold them apart until this passes."
"Right." In less than an instant, the Flashes were in motion--and in half again that time, both of them were flat on their backs, stunned. Every time either of them attempted to advance, he was stopped by another bolt of green energy, aimed faster than either Lantern should have been able to respond--especially since they continued their frantic foreplay, apparently oblivious to their friends' attempts to rescue them.
"Retreat," said Jay.
"Right." They moved back, rather more slowly than they had advanced, and the ring energy allowed them to withdraw.
"The pollen must be affecting their reflexes," said Barry.
"Seems it really doesn't want them to be disturbed."
"What do we do?"
"We could just wait until they recover," Jay suggested. "We seem to have been fine…after."
Barry looked awkwardly away from Jay, found himself looking at Hal and Alan, and turned, if possible, even brighter red.
"They do seem to be...making progress." From all appearances, Jay was correct. Hal had finally let Alan pin him, and one of them had conjured a condom and a tube of lubricant. Both green, of course. Barry fought back a sudden urge to giggle.
Jay looked over at Barry. "If we're going to wait this out, we should give them some privacy."
"I still think we should do something. There *must* be a way to separate them." Barry tried not to think about what, exactly, would need to be separated. "Even with the way the pollen's working with their reflexes, lantern constructs shouldn't be able to move quicker than we can."
"Well, whatever we do, we'd best move fast or we might just as well have waited. It looks like the lantern bolts are triggered automatically when we reach a certain distance from our friends; let's find that perimeter and see if we can move in quickly enough at different points to get through."
"Right." And the Flashes were in motion.
The problem with this strategy was, thought Barry--besides the fact that failed attempts hurt--was that neither of them could look away from the Lanterns for long, since they had to be aware of how close they were to being knocked flat.
And then Hal managed to flip the pair, riding Alan and giving both Flashes an even better view of their friends' attributes.
Barry was getting the disturbing feeling that--had he not so recently come, and were he not being knocked over every few seconds by ring energy--he would be very, very aroused by what he was seeing. He'd noticed that Hal was attractive before--heck, everyone did, it didn't necessarily mean anything, but like this, and with Alan of all people, who was just too hot for a seventy-year-old…was something else entirely, though he wasn't sure what.
Far better to focus on trying to reach the Lanterns.
Without thinking too hard about having to restrain a naked, amorous, Hal, or about pulling him off the disturbingly-attractive Alan...just focus on getting there.
And he wasn't going to think about what he'd done with Jay, either. He groaned. "I'm going to have to wash my mind out with soap after this."
Jay chuckled. "I keep these things in a special mental file, myself."
"I'm going to wash that thought out too."
Jay was silent for a second, then laughed. "My apologies. The file is marked "Things to Remember When Alan is Acting Especially Pompous."
"...Oh."
"Hold on. They seem to be finishing up."
"...They do, don't they." Both Flashes watched, helpless, as Hal came into his own hand and Alan's, and Alan took the opportunity to flip them once more, thrusting hard into Hal (and incidentally giving both Flashes an excellent view of his ass).
And then it was over. For a second, Alan slumped onto Hal, then was thrown off violently. In another second, Hal was back in costume and yelling, "First yellow quicksand, and now this?! If this is how you old-timers go about 'building bridges, then count me out!"
Alan, not far behind, drew himself up with all availability dignity and bellowed, "How dare you blame this on me! Not everyone in the world wants to fuck you, Hal!" He used his ring to pull his torn costume around him. It was held together almost entirely by ring power, but at least it covered him.
Neither of them seemed to notice Barry, still sitting dazed on the ground after his last fall, or Jay, picking himself up and considering the situation.
Hal yelled back, "Well, what am I supposed to think! You brought us to this Goddamn planet in the first place. You knew about the yellow storms, and the yellow quicksand, and you say you didn't know about the yellow pollen?"
By this time, Jay had finished considering, and (in a silent flash) he was standing next to Barry and gesturing him to get up.
"And you're the one who came up with the wooden bees! I'm sure your fancy modern ring can tell you about this planet at least as well as mine can. Why shouldn't I think this was you?"
Barry stood up, and started to call out to the Hal and Alan, but Jay silenced him with a look. "But…" Barry whispered.
"You may have some picture in your attic, old man, but you're crazy if you think I'd do this to get in your tights. Besides, how could I possibly have done it?"
"They're fine now," Jay whispered back. "And there's really nothing we can do to improve the situation."
"They...do seem to have made a full recovery," whispered Barry uncertainly.
"And they'll eventually figure out that neither of them was at fault. Meanwhile, we should make ourselves scarce."
"You sure? They look mad enough to hurt each other...maybe we should stick around." But while Barry was speaking, Jay had taken hold of his arm and started running. Not wanting to hurt either of them, or to lose track of the only sane man on the planet, Barry was forced to run alongside, and they were already a mile away.
"Nope. There's nothing we can do to improve the situation at the moment. We'll just turn a two-way fight into a four-way fight. And if they know we were there for this, it'll make them even angrier."
"But..."
"And give them even more reason to try to prove their masculinity, which is the last thing those two need."
"It still seems wrong to run away like this."
"It's Lanterns who are supposed to be without fear. Flashes know when to run."
"...Right."
by Caia
May 10, 2004
Disclaimers: None of these people belong to me, and boy are they relieved to hear that. There are somewhat less relieved to hear that they do, in fact, belong to DC comics.
Summary: Two Flashes and two GLs go camping. Sex pollen ensues.
Spoilers/continuity: Set just after, and contains spoilers for, #3 of the Brave and Bold miniseries (now available as a trade paperback!).
Rating: PG-13/R
Acknowledgement: Thanks very much to
greenygal for the beta. If these people are in character, it's to her credit. Any errors are entirely mine.Barry Allen was trying very, very hard not to think about what had just happened. Not to think about what he had done, or how it had felt, and certainly not about who he had done it with. "Clothes," he said, under his breath. "I need clothes," and in less than a second he was dressed and scrubbing anxiously at the tainted red fabric.
He risked a glance at his older counterpart, and was relieved that Jay was dressed as well, almost as if nothing had happened.
Jay was talking, too. "I am never going to let a Green Lantern choose the campsite again."
Barry looked away, but smiled weekly and replied, "...If Hal doesn't beat me to it, I may have to kill Alan myself."
"I doubt even Alan would go this far on purpose."
Barry said uncertainly, "Well, I'm sure Hal wouldn't."
A pause. "...Oh my God. How am I ever going to face Iris?"
"This *is* one of the occupational hazards, I'm afraid. Joan's forgiven me this sort of thing before, bless her," said Jay, standing a careful distance from Barry, "I'm sure Iris will let you off the couch--eventually. But look!"
Barry looked. "Oh, my GOD--! They were exposed, too. And their metabolisms don't run as fast…we've got to rescue them, or they'll never speak to us again!" Barry's face was now rather redder than his suit.
"Or each other." Frozen for a few seconds, the two Flashes stared at the two Lanterns. Hal's costume had disappeared, Alan's was in shreds--shreds which someone, doubtless Alan himself, had managed to neatly fold in a pile next to them, but clearly shreds nonetheless--and the two of them were rolling around on the ground, kissing and biting and jockeying for position.
Barry's face was as red as his costume, but he couldn't quite look away from his friend's plight--nor could he avoid looking at Hal and Alan's substantial erections, rubbing together as the two of them battled. "We should really do something."
"Right. You grab Hal, I'll grab Alan, and we'll try to hold them apart until this passes."
"Right." In less than an instant, the Flashes were in motion--and in half again that time, both of them were flat on their backs, stunned. Every time either of them attempted to advance, he was stopped by another bolt of green energy, aimed faster than either Lantern should have been able to respond--especially since they continued their frantic foreplay, apparently oblivious to their friends' attempts to rescue them.
"Retreat," said Jay.
"Right." They moved back, rather more slowly than they had advanced, and the ring energy allowed them to withdraw.
"The pollen must be affecting their reflexes," said Barry.
"Seems it really doesn't want them to be disturbed."
"What do we do?"
"We could just wait until they recover," Jay suggested. "We seem to have been fine…after."
Barry looked awkwardly away from Jay, found himself looking at Hal and Alan, and turned, if possible, even brighter red.
"They do seem to be...making progress." From all appearances, Jay was correct. Hal had finally let Alan pin him, and one of them had conjured a condom and a tube of lubricant. Both green, of course. Barry fought back a sudden urge to giggle.
Jay looked over at Barry. "If we're going to wait this out, we should give them some privacy."
"I still think we should do something. There *must* be a way to separate them." Barry tried not to think about what, exactly, would need to be separated. "Even with the way the pollen's working with their reflexes, lantern constructs shouldn't be able to move quicker than we can."
"Well, whatever we do, we'd best move fast or we might just as well have waited. It looks like the lantern bolts are triggered automatically when we reach a certain distance from our friends; let's find that perimeter and see if we can move in quickly enough at different points to get through."
"Right." And the Flashes were in motion.
The problem with this strategy was, thought Barry--besides the fact that failed attempts hurt--was that neither of them could look away from the Lanterns for long, since they had to be aware of how close they were to being knocked flat.
And then Hal managed to flip the pair, riding Alan and giving both Flashes an even better view of their friends' attributes.
Barry was getting the disturbing feeling that--had he not so recently come, and were he not being knocked over every few seconds by ring energy--he would be very, very aroused by what he was seeing. He'd noticed that Hal was attractive before--heck, everyone did, it didn't necessarily mean anything, but like this, and with Alan of all people, who was just too hot for a seventy-year-old…was something else entirely, though he wasn't sure what.
Far better to focus on trying to reach the Lanterns.
Without thinking too hard about having to restrain a naked, amorous, Hal, or about pulling him off the disturbingly-attractive Alan...just focus on getting there.
And he wasn't going to think about what he'd done with Jay, either. He groaned. "I'm going to have to wash my mind out with soap after this."
Jay chuckled. "I keep these things in a special mental file, myself."
"I'm going to wash that thought out too."
Jay was silent for a second, then laughed. "My apologies. The file is marked "Things to Remember When Alan is Acting Especially Pompous."
"...Oh."
"Hold on. They seem to be finishing up."
"...They do, don't they." Both Flashes watched, helpless, as Hal came into his own hand and Alan's, and Alan took the opportunity to flip them once more, thrusting hard into Hal (and incidentally giving both Flashes an excellent view of his ass).
And then it was over. For a second, Alan slumped onto Hal, then was thrown off violently. In another second, Hal was back in costume and yelling, "First yellow quicksand, and now this?! If this is how you old-timers go about 'building bridges, then count me out!"
Alan, not far behind, drew himself up with all availability dignity and bellowed, "How dare you blame this on me! Not everyone in the world wants to fuck you, Hal!" He used his ring to pull his torn costume around him. It was held together almost entirely by ring power, but at least it covered him.
Neither of them seemed to notice Barry, still sitting dazed on the ground after his last fall, or Jay, picking himself up and considering the situation.
Hal yelled back, "Well, what am I supposed to think! You brought us to this Goddamn planet in the first place. You knew about the yellow storms, and the yellow quicksand, and you say you didn't know about the yellow pollen?"
By this time, Jay had finished considering, and (in a silent flash) he was standing next to Barry and gesturing him to get up.
"And you're the one who came up with the wooden bees! I'm sure your fancy modern ring can tell you about this planet at least as well as mine can. Why shouldn't I think this was you?"
Barry stood up, and started to call out to the Hal and Alan, but Jay silenced him with a look. "But…" Barry whispered.
"You may have some picture in your attic, old man, but you're crazy if you think I'd do this to get in your tights. Besides, how could I possibly have done it?"
"They're fine now," Jay whispered back. "And there's really nothing we can do to improve the situation."
"They...do seem to have made a full recovery," whispered Barry uncertainly.
"And they'll eventually figure out that neither of them was at fault. Meanwhile, we should make ourselves scarce."
"You sure? They look mad enough to hurt each other...maybe we should stick around." But while Barry was speaking, Jay had taken hold of his arm and started running. Not wanting to hurt either of them, or to lose track of the only sane man on the planet, Barry was forced to run alongside, and they were already a mile away.
"Nope. There's nothing we can do to improve the situation at the moment. We'll just turn a two-way fight into a four-way fight. And if they know we were there for this, it'll make them even angrier."
"But..."
"And give them even more reason to try to prove their masculinity, which is the last thing those two need."
"It still seems wrong to run away like this."
"It's Lanterns who are supposed to be without fear. Flashes know when to run."
"...Right."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:04 am (UTC)Bwahaha! Man, you really can't lose with sex pollen, can you? ::snicker:: I also really liked the line about things to remember when Alan gets too pompous.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:12 am (UTC)Nope :).
I also really liked the line about things to remember when Alan gets too pompous.
Thanks...I (and Jay) had to drop that one in after Carmen (and Barry) totally misinterpreted the original line about the "special mental file...
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 09:11 am (UTC)The poor man :-).
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 10:03 am (UTC)And now I really want to read that miniseries with the Flash/GL generational male-bonding on an off-planet camping trip.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:10 pm (UTC)...for which everyone involved in this fic, not least of which being myself, has reason to be grateful :).
And now I really want to read that miniseries with the Flash/GL generational male-bonding on an off-planet camping trip.
You really, really should. It's available as a trade, so it shouldn't be too hard to get, and it has lots of good Hal and Barry. Even aside from the First (and probably last) Flash/GL Intergenerational Camping Trip.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 11:31 am (UTC)Jay all worldly and "well, these things happen..."!!! Hal and Alan so CRANKY!!!! Barry so "....meep"!!!!!!!!
I LOVE IT FOREVER.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:11 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:01 pm (UTC)*Nods*. True, true.
Great line :) Great story :) Double your sex pollen, double your fun.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:12 pm (UTC)Double your sex pollen, double your fun.
...Someone should write/vid that commericial.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 01:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:42 pm (UTC)Joan's forgiven me this sort of thing before
Before?!
How cool is Jay?
shreds which someone, doubtless Alan himself, had managed to neatly fold in a pile next to them, but clearly shreds nonetheless
Alan...folded.
::dies::
"It's Lanterns who are supposed to be without fear. Flashes know when to run."
So. Perfect.
Thank you for writing this.::happy sigh::
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 12:57 pm (UTC)I figure, assuming the DCU isn't (and *wasn't*) actually PG-rated, this sort of thing is going to *have* to happen to a hero at least oh, once every five years or so. At *least*. And since Jay's been in the hero business for a *while*, well...
Jay's not specifying exactly what he *means* by "this sort of thing", though. He's pretty good about TMI.
Alan...folded.
With is ring, of course. He wasn't going to extricate any of his limbs from Hal anytime soon.
Thank you for writing this.::happy sigh::
You're welcome!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-10 08:57 pm (UTC)It should also be noted that there's an extent to which I stole *this* idea from *you*, so I've really very little right to object to continued (and fruitful!) passing back and forth.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 10:39 am (UTC)That really is the perfect line. *g*
Barry!slash still makes me twitch, but this really is cute. Thanks! :)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-11 02:22 pm (UTC)You are very welcome.
And Barry!slash seems to make Barry twitch as well, so you're not alone...
Repress, Barry, repress!
Date: 2004-05-27 09:15 pm (UTC)Anyway, love it, I would request a Jay/Barry prequel except that Barry doesn't need to be traumatized any more, clearly.
Re: Repress, Barry, repress!
Date: 2004-05-27 09:33 pm (UTC)I wish you luck with B&B--it really is an excellent story.
And yes, Barry has been traumatized enough. For now.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-19 02:02 am (UTC)Can I link to this (or you could post it) at
no subject
Date: 2005-01-20 04:53 pm (UTC)Also, mad love for the "Flashes know when to run" line and just how freaking cool and calm Jay is about the whole thing.
Wow, Alan and Hal recovered pretty quickly from the crazy pollen sex! Of course, their "I'm still a man, goddamit! With DIGNITY!" screeching at eachother afterward is priceless.